How Do You Improve Your Empathy Skills as a Leader

Over the past several articles, we have defined empathy, built a case for its importance, and connected it to your leadership style, but what can you do to actually practice and improve your empathy?Here are 7 actions you can take to further develop and practice empathy as a leader.

Practice Listening and Connecting

Did you know that most people can go less than 10 seconds without interrupting the person speaking? That time drops to 6 seconds for leaders. I was astonished by that statistic. Based on that, practicing your listening skills becomes imperative. Effective listening skills are critical to any successful leader and especially in developing empathy. There is plenty of information available on improving your listening skills. To get you started try this article: 5 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills from FastCompany magazine or an excellent TEDTalk from Julian Treasure 5 Ways to Listen Better. If you improve nothing else as a leader, continuing to enhance your ability to listen effectively will make you more empathic as well as a leader people can count on.

Be Curious

Clear your mind of any preconceived notions and begin asking questions. Use the references from above about listening to feed your curiosity and naturally create additional questions that will further your understanding of the individual or situation you are working with. Refrain from jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, or trying to jump to a solution. Even if the answers seem obvious, ask them in a way that allows the other person to share their thoughts and feelings about the situation. The natural tendency will be to ask ‘why’ questions, but try to avoid that. ‘Why’ questions can sometimes create a need for defensive responses. Instead, ask questions with ‘what’ or ‘how’ to help gain a more meaningful dialogue on the subject. Consider the difference between, “Why did you make that decision?” versus, “What circumstances lead to making the decision you did?” The difference is subtle but may avoid a misunderstanding or a feeling of being judged through the question you asked.

Share More About Yourself

In two words, be vulnerable. Tim Denning shared some ideas on how you can do this in his article 11 Things I Learned By Being Vulnerable And Putting Myself Out There For 3 Years. Often leaders are too concerned about becoming too close to their subordinates. They are afraid they may cross a line that diminishes their ability to lead effectively. However, that caution in many cases is what keeps them from effectively connecting with their teams. I am not suggesting that you share your deepest secrets, but it is OK to let people around you know that you have a life outside of work. Share your weekend stories about your family, your kids, or your dogs. Talk about the hobbies you spend time on. Show your human side and a little humility - no one is perfect and not everything is rainbows and unicorns - let your team know you have those same experiences.

Work With Others in Empathy Heavy Roles

If you want to understand more about empathy, there is no better place to look than where multiple empathic roles exist. Find a counselor you can spend time with to learn and observe. Visit a hospital and spend a couple of shifts with the nurses who need to connect with patients in usually very difficult situations. Shadow a teacher in a school with underprivileged children. Or, you may find a local social worker who is helping people get back on their feet after a life changing situation. Each of these professions in our communications must utilize empathy in their roles on a daily basis and can help provide new insights into what it takes to connect to others effectively.

Spend Time With People Who Have Different Opinions

This may be one of the more challenging options as few people want to spend a lot of extra time with people that have completely different viewpoints than their own. However, there can be tremendous value that comes from learning from those individuals. Combine this with the above - be curious - and seek to understand their point of view. You do not need to agree with them, but ask questions from fresh perspectives to see where they are coming from. You may learn a lot of different things about their backgrounds and lives that can help you gain insight into why they have formed the opinions they have. In doing so, you will likely find new connections and commonalities that will allow you to deepen the relationship, even outside of the areas you may still disagree on.

Face Your Own Biases

This requires being honest with yourself. It does not require you to change necessarily. More than anything, you need to become aware of your feelings that may impact how you react and experience different situations from others. If you grew up as an only child, you may not understand what it is like to deal with sibling rivalries. If you have lived in a community that is predominantly of a single race, you may not have certain reference points that others that came from more diverse environments. Those can influence your point of view and become a bias for the actions you take. Recognize that, be aware of how that may impact your behaviors, and challenge yourself to ask more questions to gain a deeper perspective from others when you know you have a bias in a specific situation.

Create a Journey Map With People You Want to Connect More To

I found an excellent article titled The Updated Empathy Map that described a tool to help others become more empathic with people around them. It outlines the steps you can take to learn more about how another thinks and feels, what they say, what they see, what they do, and what they hear. Identify a person that you would like to understand better or just deepen your empathy for and map out the journey of getting to know them better. The article has a tool that can be used to help get you started. Journey Mapping is the Key to Gaining Empathy is another excellent article that supports this same idea on how you can connect with others you want to understand better.Developing your empathy skills will take time and patience, as most things of importance do. It is also something that will be continual. There is no finish line for this skill development. In time and with more experience you can blend your empathy effectively into your everyday leadership style and it will become a part of who you are.Where will you start in taking your empathy skills to the next level? Click here or on the comments button above to share your thoughts.Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash