Empathetic Leadership is Effective Leadership

The concept of empathy and the role it plays in leadership has become more of a key topic recently. More and more studies about how humans behave, how their brains work, and the impact that has on our daily lives are surfacing. Perhaps the study of how to become more productive has run its course and now we realize that we must understand why we act the way we act. As most sociologists and anthropologists will know, our behaviors go well beyond the simple motivations that are typically discussed in business environments.Understanding emotions such as empathy, vulnerability, and the idea of emotional intelligence will be the next frontier for leaders to explore in developing future generations.I am going to dedicate the next several Tuesday posts to explore how empathy can play a bigger role in being an effective leader now and for years to come.

What is Empathy?

As the term empathy has found its way into new circles of usage, the understanding of it has been muddied. It has been introduced as a buzzword and strategy for people management. While I agree that empathy is a skill for leaders to learn and strengthen, I believe what it truly means is largely misunderstood.The dictionary definition for empathy:

The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

Here is how I would define empathy:

Stepping out of your shoes and into another’s so as to fully appreciate their situation, surroundings, and feelings. Be where they are. Feel what they feel. See what they see. Experience what they experience.

In the Success Magazine article The 5 Pillars of Authentic Leadership, the author references empathy in another, effective way. “We are all flawed human beings; we all have our bad days. Leaders, who recognize that he or she is leading normal people, and not just managing for an outcome, will engender a huge amount of loyalty, engagement, and productivity. Treating others as we would like to be treated is a universal principle that’s worked for more than 2,000 years. If you can create a culture of respect and dignity, a culture of trust rather than fear, your organization will accomplish great things.”Empathy is about being in the place of those you serve and support. It means removing your personal thoughts and working to understand how the other person feels based on their set of circumstances. On the surface, it seems easy, but imagine that you are in the shoes of a person that is a different gender, race, or economic class. Can you see what they see? Feel what they feel? You will need to dismiss your own biases and employ those of the ones you are trying to understand. The world will look different and placing yourself in that position takes practice, extreme listening, and heartfelt caring at a level few are willing to explore.

Can Empathy Be Learned?

You may be wondering at this point, “is empathy something I can learn or are people just born empathetic?” This question is no different than the ongoing debate about leaders themselves - are people born leaders or can they learn to be a leader? I hope by now you know that anyone can be a leader and becoming a highly effective leader can be learned over time.Empathy can be learned through practice and patience. But the driving force for true empathetic leadership is a desire to connect on a more emotional and human level with others.Here is an excerpt from an Inc Magazine article This 1 Leadership Trait Can Yield Enormous Results--But Use It Carefully. For years, I thought that someone was either born with the ability to be empathetic or not. But Carmichael explained that learning "intense listening" can help us all become more attuned to the mindset of the person across from us.”The trick is that to really be empathetic," Carmichael revealed, "you have to be open to the fact that you are misunderstanding the person you're speaking with. You can have ideas about what the other person is thinking and try to understand their mindset," but the key is to remain curious about what they're thinking instead of deciding you know what they're thinking.Curiosity and a desire to be in the other person’s shoes is the key driver to further developing your skills in the area of empathy. As your understanding of empathy grows you will quickly see how connected it is to so many other areas that are already widely accepted traits in leadership.If you would like to get a feel for where you are currently in your empathy learning, you can take this self-assessment in the Forbes article Empathy: A Major Skillset In Demand For Leaders.

Do Not Confuse Empathy and Sympathy

One of the most common misunderstandings of empathy is that it is the same as sympathy. These two words are not synonymous. Feeling sympathy for someone is a long way from feeling as the other person. One can feel sympathy for a friend that has just lost a parent, but unless you too have been in that same exact situation, it is far more difficult to empathize with that person. It is the difference between feeling for (sympathy) someone and feeling as (empathy) someone. This Brene Brown on Empathy video provides an excellent look at how the two are different and how empathy is an emotion to connect with others.As she states, empathy is a means to come together, to create a bond between you. Sympathy often demonstrates the divide between two people, especially when it is used to try to solve the situation instead of understand the situation. This is a trap I know I have fallen into many times both personally and professionally. Not everyone needs a solution or fix at the moment, but they likely will need someone to hear them and understand how they are feeling.

Empathy Does Not Make You a Weak Leader (it’s just the opposite)

I believe that empathy is an innate trait that needs to be developed/nurtured, that we actually learn not to be empathic instead of the other way around. In many environments, especially where sympathy is confused for empathy, empathy is seen as a weakness. We are told that we care too much about the people we are serving or working with. Instead, we need to strengthen our ability to empathize with others and then take action on finding solutions or support for their situation. Empathy becomes a powerful force when you look at it from a perspective of strength. It is a way to connect better with those that matter most to you.In many ways this is no different than how being a servant leader could be seen as a potential weak trait. “What do you mean you serve your subordinates? You are the manager, the leader, the one in charge, they should be serving you.” That is the common refrain from a perspective of leadership power. In order to be and remain a truly great and effective leader - you must have the ability to build trust, strengthen relationships, and add value to other people’s lives. Only then can you create a lasting impact that will make a difference for everyone.This Psychology Today article agrees and states, “The best way to think about empathy is an innate capacity that needs to be developed, and to see it as a detail in a larger picture.”It would seem obvious that being empathic with others would be a valuable trait. If we place ourselves in the shoes of others (utilize what we’ve learned so far on the subject), it could be just as easy to see how people would take advantage of one’s empathic feelings toward them. Just like learning any new skill set, it is ultimately how you utilize and implement the skillset that defines its effectiveness. Most people have seen the benefits of recognizing others in the workplace, yet it too, when implemented the wrong way, could be viewed as a weakness. Celebrating accomplishments that were expected in the first place may seem counter-intuitive to some. Only time and reinforced information have tipped the scales in the favor of utilizing recognition as an effective motivation tool for leaders.The strength of empathy comes from building appropriate and mutual understanding relationships with those around you.Empathy is a deep subject and I am only scratching the surface here to pique your interest and provide a starting point for a larger discussion on the topic. Empathy is a largely seen as a ‘warm and fuzzy’ topic that only the Human Resources folks would be willing to tackle. As we learn more about the impact understanding empathy can have, I believe it will come to the forefront as a necessary and critical emotion for all leaders to embrace in every workplace.My hope is you can walk away after this first article with a good foundation for what empathy is. Next week, we will look at why empathy is important and some of the key benefits that it has for you as a leader as well as those you serve.How do you see empathy playing a role in a leader’s success? Click here or on the comments button above to share your thoughts. Photo by Fernando Reyes on Unsplash