It's Not Easy Being a Leader: the Toll Leadership Can Take on Anyone

Who helps leaders of leaders with the support they need?

I’ll often write and even speak about the importance of self-care. But that will not always be enough for the ‘non-leader’ side of us that have the privilege of leading others. There are other aspects of leadership that can, and do, take a toll, especially over time. We absorb other’s burdens. We feel their pain and often internalize it. There is a cost that comes with empathy. We know it, we sign up for it, and take it on proudly. It still requires outlets and additional support that is not always as readily available as it needs to be.

Leaders stand at the front with the face of optimism when it seems hope is diminishing. They project confidence when there may not be many reasons to do so. When the chips are down, leaders show a path forward to success; a way up. There is an emotional toll that comes with that necessary and expected activity.

Research suggests that the emotional labor of leading others and supporting their changing needs in both mental and physical aspect is equivalent to the pressures subjected to front-line workers serving customers. The last three years have presented an unprecedented level of those situations where workers require new levels of counsel and support. All the while, leaders need to attend to their own concerns and considerations as well. The build up of both of these needs is a significant contributor to the burnout and transitions of jobs we’ve seen throughout the pandemic. It is unlikely to abate if more support is not made available.

Ultimately, companies, large and small, will need to engage at more meaningful levels. Simultaneously, leaders of leaders will have to continue to fill that void, as well as ask for the support and help they require in their own role. Here are some ways you can begin that movement.

Acknowledge Emotional Labor

As with most things, recognizing that there is something to address is the first step in finding solutions and support. Speak openly about the realities that leaders of others face. We carry a lot of weight on our shoulders at times. With that comes the need to unload and take a break sometimes. Without those pauses, changed behaviors, such as lashing out, showing more frustration, or walking away from additional situations can play out. Understanding many of those warning signs can assist you in helping those other leaders that may not realize they have reached their maximum level. Acknowledgement in this space allows those you support or peers to know it's okay to ask for help.

Model and Promote Self-Compassion

Few if any schools teach the ideal of self-compassion. And in most workplaces, we have more likely seen hard work, keeping your nose down, and getting stuff done in any condition rewarded more than raising your hand and asking for support in a different way. Asking for technical help, while difficult for many, is still something that is talked about a lot. Asking for mental help in how to handle certain situations, or in cases where there is an overwhelming need for providing that for others (see the last three years), is not something that is widely advertised. Beyond that, how many leaders of leaders feel equipped to do so?

Taking it upon yourself to research and find outlets for your personal self-compassion is step one, sharing your learnings and encouraging others is step two. As you begin to normalize the fact that it is normal and okay to feel certain ways, it begins to allow others to balance the weight they carry. A leader's personal feelings and emotions do not go away while they are listening and providing guidance to others who come to them, often for the same concerns and feelings.

Create Safe Spaces

As a leader of leaders, they will look to you for the behaviors to model. As noted above, you can set the tone for self-compassion. It will also be advantageous to create spaces for people to speak openly and safely about their feelings with peers and others in similar roles. The hardest part in any of these situations is feeling as if you are the only one with these concerns. You look around at others in your position and assume they all have it under control. You must be the only one that feels like you may be breaking. The truth is likely that many are feeling the same way. Creating a space for people to be able to share those feelings will not only help to relieve some of the burden they feel, but build community and strengthen the peer bonds of the team or company.

The life of a leader has always been more complicated than many, especially outside the role, have assumed. Great leaders are there for their teams. That means taking on their concerns and feelings as your own. However, every leader needs an outlet for offloading that assumed weight along their journey. Some can be translated into learnings and experience. Providing support and solutions helps to ease the load as well. The last three years have presented new concerns, considerations, and challenges unlike most have ever seen, especially when coupled together. Supporting your team of leaders, and ensuring that you are seeking the support necessary, continues to be a growing consideration that will require champions and pioneers of the cause.

How can you support your team in their emotional needs? How will you ask for additional support for your own support needs?

Additional reading: The Emotional Labor of Being a Leader

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