The Risks and Downsides of Empathy as a Leader

Like any other positive force, too much of a good thing can turn into something that works against you. As we have seen in previous articles, empathy can be something that helps build strong, engaged teams. However, overutilizing empathy in leading your team can become a troubling skill that hurts both those you serve and yourself.

Empathy Can Be Overdone

Some people take the idea of empathy hyper-literally, believing they must take on and endure the other person’s pain. This not only compromises you, it makes you less effective in supporting the other person. This quote from Walt Whitman is a prime example of taking empathy past the point of usefulness:

“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels.  I myself become the wounded person.”

Having a balanced understanding of what empathy is can be a significant contributor to keeping you from overdoing empathy. Empathy helps us to see another’s point of view and enables us to move forward with the person in the most appropriate way, without becoming enmeshed in the other person’s pain.Improperly understood and in the wrong person’s hands, empathy can also be used in a negative way to mistreat others. Additionally, over-empathizing with people similar to yourself can lead to unintended biases. When people experience either of these, it can break down trust in a leader’s positive intentions. From Graham Johnson’s article, The Downside of Empathy:

Empathy is not a universally positive emotional response.  Intimate understanding of another’s experience can be used to manipulate and hurt them.  As Bloom notes in his book Against Empathy, an empathic response can lead to in-group bias, where we value more those who look, sound and act more like us.

Utilizing empathy--the right aspects of empathy--at the right time can make all of the difference in avoiding going too far. Consider these definitions from Jennifer Breheny Wallace in her Washington Post article of the different types of empathy and how understanding each could help you avoid pushing too far.

Psychologists describe empathy in three ways: You can think it, feel it or be moved by it, Zaki says.With cognitive empathy, you understand what someone else is thinking and feeling, as when you relate to a character in a novel or take someone's perspective during a business negotiation.With emotional empathy, you actually put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel their emotion. This is the type of response that, left unchecked, can lead to caretaker burnout, says Zaki.And then there's compassionate empathy, where you feel concern about another's suffering, but from more of a distance and with a desire to help the person in need.

Being Disingenuous Instead of Empathetic

Overdoing empathy can also lead to a point at which your interest in the situation or person shifts to “I know I am supposed to do this, but I don’t really want to.” At that point, the risk becomes being seen as disingenuous. This too will erode trust with other individuals and can undermine your initial positive actions.Empathy is not a skill that is to be complied with, rather it must be a choice you make as a leader to connect to those you support. In short, empathy cannot be faked. There is a need for you to feel and understand another’s situation in detail before real empathy can be shared and the connection made. Trying to just go through the motions will only lead to negative consequences and be seen as a ‘downside’ of utilizing empathy as a leader.

It Can Take a Toll on You

Empathizing beyond a point of effectiveness or utilizing the wrong types of empathy can lead to a negative personal impact. As mentioned above, it is possible to take empathy too far. Many psychologists warn that absorbing the feelings and pain of others will lead to two people afflicted with the same issue instead of only the original person suffering. But again, that assumes one takes their empathy too far and moves beyond understanding into becoming the other person. Not understanding when it may be important to move beyond empathy into compassion and defining a path forward will likely lead to burn out of the leader.From the Downside of Empathy:

We risk being flooded with pain, fear and uncertainty if we remain too often in a truly empathic state, unable to provide a potentially healing presence.  Sometimes we need to be at our most calm when our clients are at their most anxious, to be able to relay that we understand their plight, and that they are heard.

Often the risk is getting too caught up in another’s situation and losing sight of yourself or the bigger picture.From: Being empathetic is good, but it can hurt your health by Jennifer Breheny Wallace

But this seemly positive emotion can also have a downside, particularly if someone gets so consumed by another's feelings that they neglect their own feelings and needs. Stern says those who regularly prioritize others' emotions over their own are more susceptible to experiencing anxiety or low-level depression.

"Being supportive of those we care about is among our most cherished and important roles," Zaki says, "but it's also one that's fraught: We want to be there for someone but not lose ourselves."

Finding a way to manage the amount that you take on while empathizing can be a way to ensure you do not overburden yourself or burnout as a leader.From the same article as above:One way to keep empathy in check is through compassionate meditation, Davidson says.

”Start by envisioning someone you know who may be in pain or may have gone through a stressful event," he says, "and then envision them being relieved of that suffering." He says it may be helpful to repeat a phrase silently in your mind, such as: May you be happy and be free of suffering.

”Encouraging the focus on the person's well-being and happiness, instead of their distress, actually shifts our brain's pathways from experiencing painful empathy to the more rewarding areas of compassion," Davidson says. "It's this process that helps us to detach from their suffering."

”Research shows that these simple exercises actually affect your actions in the real world, making you more likely to be pro-social and helpful," he says.

There is clearly a fine line between effective empathy and a common understanding of compassion. I would make the argument that effective empathy engages the best of both of these worlds. Taking that thought a bit further,  a combination of empathy, sympathy, and compassion leads to a Level 5 Leader that consistently engages their team in a very human fashion.As with other skills that help leaders lead, when utilized appropriately empathy can ensure long-term success. It is not a black or white situation; instead it involves a lot of grey areas that must be defined by each leader in each situation. Ensuring that you do not push the boundaries which can lead to a disengaged team and personal health concerns is simply another component of being an effective leader. Having a good understanding of the positive and negative aspects of empathy will ensure you find the correct balance in providing what your team needs when they need it most.What risks of empathy do you identify with most? How will you ensure balance in that area? Click here or on the comments button above to share your thoughts.Photo by Aaron Mello on Unsplash